The Trust Fall

So, what scares you the most? What is your biggest fear?

For me, when I think about Jessica, Noah, and Avery - I feel the most overwhelming love. And that depth of feeling makes me feel more alive, more fully human, than I have ever felt. But if I am not careful, that feeling can turn to paralyzing fear. When I realize and grasp how much they mean to me, and what I have to lose every moment of everyday, it scares me.

There is no other way to say it: every moment of every day is a trust fall.

The Outdoor Wife summed it up so nicely like this: If there’s anything that hinders me in life… more than anything else… it’s fear. Fear of hurt. Betrayal. Crowds of people. Emptiness. Being forgotten. Loneliness. Death. These things don’t just scare me, they absolutely terrify me. I can feel my heart begin to race with each tap of my fingers against the keyboard. I deeply desire to overcome some of my fears this year. I want to say “Yes” to things, even though they might scare me. I want to clearly identify the lies. I want to seek hope & promise in the face of things that scare me. I don’t know that I’ll ever escape fear, but I hope to learn more about overcoming it.

That is it! That is how I feel sometimes. . . actually a lot of the time. And just knowing that there exists another human being out there that feels the same way is so incredibly comforting to me. I do not understand why that makes me feel so good, but it truly does. I guess it helps to know that others out there are still scared of the trust fall as well.

When the fear sneaks up on me, it reminds me of Jessica's wrist - where there is an anchor. She got this tattoo in November and she says it reminds her what is important in her life. (In respect to her, she will have to tell you what that is, if she so desires.) But either way - that anchor reminds me that we must all have faith in each other. Even in the most difficult and disappointing circumstances - we can not isolate ourselves from that fear. We have to make the faithful leap, that trust fall, into the arms of others. And we have to wake up each day holding on to the hope that those arms will not let us fall.
So, what scares you the most? What is your biggest fear?