My parents took this photo of me at Doughton Park, on the Blue Ridge Parkway, in 1980. Growing up, the mountains were just a 45 minute drive from our house in Winston-Salem. My siblings and I went to summer camp and church retreats in these mountains- and occasionally our entire family took day trips there. Even at the age of 3, I felt so at home in the mountains. My parents were great about allowing me the space to become my own person. They were also supportive of my attempts at finding who that person was to become. If I wanted to go to summer camp in the mountains, they made sure that it happened, got me whatever I needed, and drove me there. Then they left, and told me that they loved me. They did this for me in my travels to Europe, forming punk rock bands, playing sports, acting in theater productions, riding bikes and skateboards, and going to college. They somehow found that sweet spot between making me feel loved and supported, while simultaneously providing me so much freedom to fail, grow, and learn. I am amazed by this. Because as a father - I find it hard as hell.
I want my own children to always know how much I love and support them, yet I equally desire for each of them to experience freedom and failure. I believe that those failures, and freedoms will blaze a personal trail of growth for each of them - and help illuminate their passions and resilience. But I do not want to see them suffer catastrophic setbacks (however I define that). That is a complicated balance beam to walk as a parent. I am trying my best, but often question my own performance. (Like last week, when it was hard for me to watch Noah deliver a speaking line in his school production. " What if he falls down, or screws it up?" I thought to myself. But he was fine, and I just need to get out of his way. It was his challenge. I am just here to love and support him.)
So, dear readers - how do you find that balance?
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