Soccer and the Theater {Mr. Miyagi}

Avery, 2016.  Me, 1992

Avery is obsessed with the beautiful game.  He plays it here in our local league, and plays everyday with a ball inside and outside of our house.  He also watches the English Premiere League on Saturdays (where he knows almost every starting player, as well as each corresponding national team), and plays it on FIFA on the Wii.  EVERY time we ask him to pick out his own clothes he comes out of his room wearing a soccer jersey (Man City, Brazil, Barcelona, etc).  He even had his coach put the name "Messi" on the back of his jersey this season.  He hates to lose, and keeps score of every goal.  From time to time, he has been known to use his mouth to express his displeasure in a match.  He is Obsessed, people.  Obsessed.

Noah is obsessed with all things Drama.  He acts in plays, and is currently acting in a short film.  He reads books and (sometimes) screenplays in his spare time.  He loves to design costumes and clothes, and memorizes songs from the "Hamilton" soundtrack.  He also loves an aesthetic, and spends hours decorating his room with certain posters and his hand drawn art.  He picks outs brightly colored knee socks, and asks for books on William Shakespeare.  He is competitive with auditions, and talks about the possibility of attending the NC School of the Arts someday.

And as much as I love it, their passions are also a challenge for me.  You see, I played soccer my entire life - starting at age 5.  I was never a great player, merely a serviceable one - but I truly loved the game.  I grew up watching my older brother play twice a week, and sharpened my trade in the backyard with all of the neighborhood's older kids, becoming an unrelentingly aggressive player by high school.  I was smaller than almost every other player, but went into tackles way too hard, with cleats up - and had no problem giving anyone a piece of my mind.

Noah in Aladdin, 2016.  Me, in 42nd Street, 1994

By the time I entered my junior year of high school, I was mellowing out - and found that my passion for playing music in punk rock bands and acting in plays was outweighing my love of soccer.  (Plus, my high school had one of the best teams in the entire state of North Carolina, so it was highly doubtful that I would continue playing much, if at all.)

By age 16, drama and theater became a central part of my life.  My high school had an active theater program, and I acted in musicals, straight plays, and did summer acting camps.  I also performed in punk bands during these years, and just came to LOVE the stage.  By college, I zeroed in on teaching as a profession, as it combined all of my loves into one daily 6 hour circus

So why would kids love of soccer and the stage be a challenge for me?  Well, though it is always paramount to me that each of my children find a love that brings him joy (which they are doing) - it is equally important that they find their own path - and not in my shadow.  This can be hard, as I have taught in the community in which they live for over 17 years - and thus have gotten to know thousands of families.  It is also no secret that I have a loud (and most often hyper/excitable/annoying) personality.  Jessica is also intimately involved in our community - thus making it more challenging for our kids to escape their familial connections. Generally this connection is a beautiful and ingratiating thing, but when the kids are carving out their own independence, it can be a weight.

So watching Avery emulate much of my experiences with soccer, or Noah emulate much of Jessica and my experiences in theater, gives us something to talk and bond about - but hopefully not at the expense of their individuality.  Simply, I do not want to fall into the "Dad-trap" of merely pushing our kids to be what we are - because it is the only thing that we know.  Yet, what we know is obviously based on our experiences, so this paradox almost immediately takes us to tough philosophical place (which is probably best described in Plato's Allegory of the Cave...).

So, though I obviously have an influence on them, I am trying to be both their biggest cheerleader, while also providing some Mr. Miyagi type of advice and inspiration, based on my own experiences. Hopefully, this provides an environment where they each feel comfortable abandoning either of their current pursuits without shame or disappointment from me, if they lose the drive.  

This parental balancing is my new season of family life, and one for which I am extremely grateful.  But the bottom line is that the kids are happy, and we all have something around which we can come together.  Each of us playing our small part in this family circle can hopefully sustain their passion for life - wherever that may lead.