Present.

I few nights ago I fell asleep on the couch around 8:15pm. I must have slept there for maybe 1 or 2 hours before Jessica woke me up to go upstairs. No big deal. But once awake in in my bed, I was unable to sleep. I am typically a deep sleeper, so it was frustrating. I just laid there thinking about not much of anything except for ice cream (see earlier post).

But then my thoughts drifted to gratitude, and how I have it so good - and I am lucky. You see, people that I know, and have played very important parts in my life, are sick and are struggling. Some of them have cancer, some have mental illness. Some of them are just dealing with difficult things, and all of them are doing the best that they can. So, it was in this moment that I felt this overwhelming sense of fragility. That the things in my life that sustain me now will someday be gone - and I do not know when that will be - today? Tomorrow? 80 years from now?

So, I went into Avery's room and checked on him and listened to his breathing. Then I went into Noah's room and got into his bed with him. I rubbed his hair and stared at his beautiful self as he slept. I drifted off to sleep at some point, and when I woke up I felt good, and refreshed, and 100% present.

And it makes me think about why a good joke is funny - it is because we are present with the joke. The only truly laughable moment is when the joke is first told, and we are fully engaged in it, and we hear the punchline delivered in the very midst of our engagement. Afterwards - we use the joke for our own purposes. Maybe we retell it to share with someone else, or maybe we use it to better tell a story - or whatever. But in the end, our presence and focus on it in the moment is what brought us the joy.

So while it is certainly true that there is no permanence, and that the past is indeed prologue - it seems to me that being present is the only way to truly accept, and meet, what life gives us.